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The Columns section of the site is NOT limited to the thoughts and ideas of those involved directly in this website's creation or updating. This is a forum to express your thoughts and ideas in some type of understandable form of writing. There are no 'guidelines' to follow - if you want to write about something and see it displayed here, email Junior Simpson and get on the grind.
Double StandardsPosted Up: November 10th 2004
Written June 20, 2003
I totally forgot about this. I mean, just spaced it
out completely. This is because of a fe down in SIPI that I was cool w/
and even got a li'l bit involved with too. But, things didn't end up to
where her and I actually started dating or hooking up. I was alright w/
that though, but in her mind I was expecting something out of th deal
when the truth was I didn't. So to make up for her misconceptions I was
avoided like I had something contagious. After awhile though, we're
cool again, and still to this day we're cool. I don't hate on her for
misreading anything into our friendship, it was just a
misunderstanding. Also though, that very scenario was played out back
home years ago. Not only that, but a couple times so I knew to stay
away from her. Anyways, here's the lost and almost forgotten column, "double standards."
I keep going through this one scenario seems like: “We’re cool. Oh wait, no we’re not. My bad, we’re still cool. Nah, just playing, we’re not.” I mean, it can be frustrating, depending on the person, or it can be just another confused person to me.
Lately though, the people bringing these scenarios up, are folks I
considered as ‘trues.’ I mean, I thought that these friendships were
pretty solid, but maybe that’s just not the case though? I know only
that I put forth all I have to give into trying to see this thing
through, but it’s not really reciprocal. I’m not really upfront though,
but you still know that my loyalty is there and it’s pretty strong.
That’s all I know.
I only know that if we are friends, we’re friends no matter
what, but if not, well, just the exact opposite. I don’t have any
acquaintances. I either have a friend, or don’t. Yeah, we can work up
to knowing each other, but I do not consider that as a friendship. I’m
still seeing how someone works when getting to know them. I see how
they handle the heat if it comes to them. I see how they treat their
other friends. I see how they treat their family. I see how they act in
different stress filled situations. Then, I find out how to approach
them if I so choose to even do that.
How is it though, that someone just decides to cut someone off
w/out letting them know why? I just don’t understand that. I know I’ve
done it though, and it was stupid. I’ve never done it again, because it
was pointless and irrational. There was no logic, and zero results that
I consider worthwhile for doing it. A mistake, yes. Have I learned from
it, yes. Do I know why I did it? Just stupidity mostly. “I wonder what would happen if I did this,”
and picked someone out. Did the results match my theory? Sadly; Yes.
They were confused, hurt, and saddened because of one thoughtless
action on my behalf. I didn’t like that, so I don’t do that anymore.
Now, I don’t know why I was thrown in the mix like this. I’m
sure though, that whoever cut me off felt they had justification. I’m
still lost though, but try not to stress over it. As much as I like to
ignore it though, it’s still a scenario that makes me think. I start
doubting myself, and that’s just stupid. Then, I get mad for the doubts
I shouldn’t even have. Usually at that point, I just let go of the
whole thing and move on. I’m not trying to get hung up on something
that wouldn’t get hung up on me.
But, as much rationalization that is put into it, and however
much reasoning is explained to me, I’m still cool w/ them? Naïve;
Probably. But I don’t try to hold a grudge for someone making a
mistake. I’ve made my share of mistakes, and I know I’d like to be
given a second chance.
So, we’re cool again and still this thing goes on, but why go
through the motions of this dumb scenario again? Sadly, it’s like break
ups to make ups, but there’s no intimate relationship going on. I don’t
get into that though, because if I know where I stand, I won’t try and
convince someone otherwise. I’m your friend, cool. I’m your man, cool.
Just don’t try to get the two intertwined. I’m a friend one minute, but
like your man later. I can’t get into that.
It’s not just fe’s (females) doing this. There are
fellas trying to get all dramatized too. I ain’t confusing them though
as wanting to hook up w/ me. Heck no, I ain’t even trying to swing that
way. Actually, I might get violent if they try any of that. They get
weird too though, and when that happens, they're cut off.
Just crazy though, because if someone isn’t trying to put up
w/ me, let me know, I’ll be cool and even respect you for letting me
know. When you feel you had a break, and are cool w/ being around me,
let me know. I ain’t trying to frustrate anyone needlessly. I know I
need breaks from folks and try to get these breaks whenever I feel like
I need them.
Maybe that’s all it is though? Maybe we just need breaks from
some people in order to appreciate who they are? Take a step back,
relax, and reminisce on things. Get things in perspective, but at least
let that person know what’s up. Speculation can lead to all the wrong
conclusions. Show them enough respect to at least tell them what’s up,
and show it isn’t anything personal or vindictive. It’s just a time to
gather thoughts and get recollected. After that, it’s on full swing
once again.
I only know that if I consider you a friend, there’s a reason
for it. I saw something in you that I felt I wanted to be around. If
not, I wouldn’t waste my time, or your time. I wanted to be around you
and hoped you wanted to be around me. I look a lot into getting to know
someone, and the results speak volumes, only it’s through a soft voice.
I don’t try to walk into something w/out knowing what to expect. It has
happened though, and to say that was shocking is an understatement. I
like knowing and looking through something rather than getting
surprised.
So, this version of break ups to make ups seems empty to me.
I’m in the mix, and still wonder why. I let it go, but it’s not
forgotten. I just wait, and hope things might work out for the better
in the end, and if it doesn’t, I’m alright w/ that. I’d rather cut my
losses short ahead of time, before it’s too late. And if it works out
for the better, how can you go wrong w/ that? Maybe these are some of
the bumps you take before you truly know what it is you have in front
of you? Or maybe, these are some of the bumps you take to know that
things weren’t as smooth as you thought they were? You just find out as
time moves on, and believe me, it will… Posted on 04 Jun 2006 by Windreamer
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