Family

Posted Up: December 21st 2000

I got more of a different outlook on this family thing. There were some folks I grew up w/, and thought I'd be down w/ no matter what. Yet, to my surprise, it was not the same for them. They left me high and dry, and never gave it a second thought. Well, I'm still devoted to everyone I choose to hang around and if someone has wronged me, well, they are no longer getting such devotion as they once did.

Family, what's up with that? Could it be that the lines that make up your fam are straight and narrow, or are they twisted and a li'l mixed up? Well, my family lines are one in the same. There are some family members who are pretty straight, and there's not much worry there. Then there are some that are a li'l bent and twisted, so there's some apprehension in addressing them. I do have some of my own faults and flaws. I know that just from the fact that I disown someone right now to give one example. I have also 'self-adopted' some folks as my sisters and brothers. I also got more than one mom, but to my surprise, no father? Biological pops has been nothing more than a memory for some time now. The bros I address are those I consider closer than close allows. Yet, they are also distanced too. Like I said, I have my faults and flaws.

Biologically, I have no sisters. No blood sisters, but still, I have my share of sisters. They are some down females too. They watch out for me, without me even knowing it at times. I like that. I also watch out for them, and under the right conditions, there isn't a damn thing I wouldn't do for them. The same with my bros too. All my moms have my total and absolute respect. My cousins I consider fam have my respect too. They're scattered throughout the northwest, so it's fun to track them down and hang out for a weekend or so. I think I have some fam in Montana I have no idea about, and I've been told I have a half brother somewhere over in Germany? Pops got a li'l horny and knocked some gal up while in the service? It's funny, but sad too, because what if that fella wants to know about his native side, or what if he doesn't even know he has a native side? It would be kinda weird to see him, because he's probably in his early 30's by now? Weird, but unthought-of of, because he hasn't been an impact in the duration of my life. Not his fault, I know, but I still don't care that much about him. More along the lines of curious, and that's about it.

How did this column come about? Well, I got a bro in prison right now, and he's learned that those who were truly down for him in his time of need was his fam. All his so called homies just dropped him. They left him hanging and now judgment day is coming, so they're a li'l scared about what's to come. To be truthful, I am too because I know I'll have my bro's side in all that happens, and the thought of what we can do kinda scares me. But what am I talking about here? Wrecking and shutting down shop for some folks, that's what I mean!

Now, there are some new additions to this fam too. I got all kinds of li'l nieces and nephews running around making me think twice about having kids myself. It's really fun and cute how these kids just run and laugh around with such innocence. They don't have a clue to what's going on, and that doesn't bother them in the least bit. They're having fun finding out new wonders, and sometimes get scared by these new wonders too. They're learning about everything, and I hope I can be there to teach them about certain aspects of this crazy thing called 'life.'

Family is a very close knit unit for me, but if you cross me, you're out of the circle. Consider yourself on the outside looking in when it comes to me and what I do after crossing me. I could care less about you after deceit has been committed against me. It's been known to happen, and it's very hard to regain my trust. I disown someone right now because they're just a busta ass and have no reason to have my trust as stupid and twisted as I see them. The hell with them is how I feel. There are some other folks like that, but not like this person, who's supposed to be down no matter what. I once had to ask myself, why are you like this? It's because things have been happening to me while growing up and those who showed support got mine. Those who were hesitant about it, got hesitation from me. Those who've just let me be were let to be by me. It's like what you give is what you get with me. I'm open to doing what I can, but are you the same way? Fam just has a weird way of doing things though?

Conclusion: Family is supposed to be a very strong source of support, for anyone. It's a source of safety and these people are those who you don't have to worry about setting up a barrier with. Or shouldn't have to worry about setting up a barrier with, I guess? I do set up barriers with some folks, but that's just me. My 'real' fam, and the extended fam are considered one in the same for me. Those outcasted are forgotten. In the worst circumstances, I'd still leave them hanging, because that's how hard headed I am. That's how stubborn I am. But, my loyalty is just as strong. I'd take a bullet for those I love. I'd do time for those I love. I'd do anything, and best believe me that I love my family beyond death!

Posted on 04 Jun 2006 by Windreamer